Best Jokes

A couple arrived at the boarding gate just in time to see their plane taking off. The husband was angry to have missed the plane. “If you weren’t so slow in getting ready,” he complained to his wife, “we wouldn’t have missed the plane.” “And if you wouldn’t have rushed me, we wouldn’t have so long to wait until the next flight,” she replied.

A man was on the very top diving board of a swimming pool.

He was poised, he lifted his arms, and was about to dive in when the attendant came running up, shouting, “Don’t dive, there’s no water in that pool!”

“That’s all right!” said the man. “I can’t swim!”

A distraught investor called his financial advisor. “Is it true? Is my money really all gone?” he asked, wailing.

“No, no, take it easy,” the advisor answered calmly. “It isn't all gone... it’s just with somebody else.”

A Policeman came to my door yesterday and asked, “Where were you between four and six?” So I said, "Probably in kindergarten or first grade.”