Best Jokes

If I got 50 cents for every math exam I failed...

I’d have $6.30 right now!

A man walks into his doctor's office and puts a note on the table for the doctor to read. It said, "I can't talk! Help me!"

The doctor nodded sagely and instructed the man to put his thumb on the table. The man thinks to himself that his thumb has nothing to do with his inability to talk, but he does as the doctor ordered.

The doctor quickly picked up a big book and whacks the man's thumb with it as hard as he could.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" the man yelled.

"Good, good," the doctor said. "Come back tomorrow and we'll work on the 'B'."

I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it up and took a look at it because it was prettier than most. The clerk said, "It's made in Germany."

I said, "That's too bad, I can't use it then."

The clerk said, "What's the matter? You don't like German pens?"

I said, "No, that's not it. I just never learned to write German."

Man: ”They’ll be changing the metric system soon!”

Boy: ”Uh, what’s that?”

Man: ”They’ll be changing feet to meters!

Boy: ”You mean, we'll be playing meterball?”