To show my wife how much I love her I bought her a beautiful diamond ring...
I had it engraved with the cost.
"Hey, why are you standing in the sun?"
"I am just drying my sweat."
After a recent college basketball game, the coach spotted a cell phone lying on the floor. He picked it up and handed it to one of the referees, saying, "Here's your phone."
"What makes you think its mine?" the ref asked.
"Easy," the coach replied. "It says you missed 13 calls!"
Marriage counselor: "Do you permit your wife to have her own way?"
Husband: "I should say not, she has it without my permission."