Best Jokes

A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court."

He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write, 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."

A boxer complains to his doctor about insomnia.

Doc: "Have you tried counting sheep?"

Boxer: "Yes, but whenever I get to 9, I stand up."

The meaning of opaque is unclear. 

When do you stop at green and go at red?

When you are eating a watermelon.