Best Jokes

A man goes to a doctor. He says he is depressed. He says life seems harsh and cruel. He says he feels all alone in a threatening world, where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain.

The doctor says the treatment is simple. The great clown Terrifini is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.

The man bursts into tears,"But doctor... I am Terrifini!"

I made a graph of all my past relationships...

It has an "ex" axis and a "why" axis.

Someone knocked at my door last evening. When I opened it, I saw a guy from Domino's holding a chicken pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and onion rings.

"I haven't ordered any pizza," I said. "This must be a mistake."

"No, it's not," he replied. "Your neighbor forgot his Facebook password and wanted to show you what he was eating for dinner."

Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present.

Cop: You ARE the lawyer.

Lawyer: So where’s my present?