To succeed in life, you need three things...
A wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.
Did you hear about the absent-minded nurse that made the patient without disturbing the bed?
Sign on entrance door to delicatessen:
KNOCKWURST BEFORE ENTERING!
"If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"
"You don't know your arithmetic."
"You don't know my father!"