The old definition of a split second is the time between the light turning green and when the driver behind you honks their horn.
The new definition of a split second is the time between when the commercial starts and your spouse says, "You have the remote!"
At the conclusion of the sermon, the worshipers filed out of the sanctuary to greet the minister. As one shook the minister’s hand, he said, “Thanks for the message, Reverend. You know, I bet you’re smarter than Einstein.”
Beaming with pride, the minister said, “Why, thank you, that's nice of you to say.”
As the week went by, the minister began to think about the man’s compliment. The more he thought, the more he wondered why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein. So the following Sunday he asked the man, “Exactly what did you mean that I must be smarter than Einstein?”
The man replied, “Well, Reverend, they say that Einstein was so smart that only ten people in the entire world could understand him. But Reverend, last Sunday no one could understand you!"