My parrot was looking quite lonely in the cage all by himself. So, I thought it would be a nice gesture on my part to get him a larger cage and introduce him to a new friend to keep him company, a pet duck.
Of course, I had to ask him first, "Polly want a quacker?"
Morty and Saul are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul, a banker, says to Morty, "Listen, Morty, I should probably tell you, I don't swim so well."
Morty, who worked as a lifeguard when he was younger, begins tugging and pulling on Saul, helping him float towards shore. After twenty minutes, he begins to tire. Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks, "Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?"
Saul looks at Morty and then replies, "This is a heck of a time to be asking for money!"