Fred: "Do you think I have any brains at all?"
John: "Well, how can I put this nicely, I can describe it best like this... If they were to take your brain, roll it into a little ball and roll it down the edge of a razor blade, it would look like a BB rolling down an eight lane freeway."
A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife...
Husband: I lost my wife, she went shopping & hasn't come back yet!
Inspector: What is her height?
Husband: I never checked, she's five feet something...
Inspector: Slim or healthy?
Husband: Not slim, she can be healthy.
Inspector: Color of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.
Inspector: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes according to season.
Inspector: What was she wearing?
Husband: Not sure. It may have been a suit or maybe shorts.
Inspector: Was she driving?
Inspector: Tell me what kind of car she was driving?
Husband: A black 2015 Corvette Z06, with supercharged 6.2 liter V8 engine generating 625 horse power teamed with an eight-speed track certified HD automatic transmission with paddle shifters and a removable carbon fiber roof pan!