A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his chauffeur, who listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics.
Then one day the chauffeur approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening's lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the chauffeur handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?"
"That is an extremely simple question," he responded. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do."
It was a couple's tenth wedding anniversary. The wife offered her husband a cup of coffee and went in to fetch some snacks. As she offered him snacks, he asked, "Where's your cup of coffee?"
She replied, "You work hard for us and you make me happy! So you deserve this cup of coffee."
The husband held her hands and said, "You have been the driving force behind me. You are my inspiration. Whatever I am today, it's only because, you have been beside me all the time. So you deserve this coffee and thanks for all your love!"
He handed her the cup. She sipped the coffee, very much moved by her husband's words. Their maid who witnessed all this, came up to the man the next day and said, "Sir, you are an ideal husband. It's your love for your wife that makes your marriage stronger."
The husband understood and said, "Yeah, it's love, but the coffee she made was really disgusting and I couldn't say no. So had to give it back to her."
Paddy was coming back from his holiday in America. As he came through Customs, he had two sacks over his shoulders. The Customs officer asked him what did he have in the sacks. Paddy replied Mobile phones.
The customs officer didn't believe him and asked to be shown. Paddy opened each sack and sure enough each contained quite a few phones. "What are you going to do with all these phones?" asked the officer.
"Oh, they are not for me. My friend, who is a musical director, knew I was going over to America. He asked me to bring him back a 'couple of saxaphones.'"
At a job interview:
“Mrs. Lober, what do you consider your greatest weakness?”
“Really? I don’t believe that is a weakness at all.”
“And I don’t really care about your stupid opinion.”