"So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband."
"Oh, everything went wrong! First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait. And then he said that I was reeling in too soon."
"That doesn't sound nice or relaxing."
"All that might have been all right, but to make matters worse, I ended up catching the most fish."
A psychiatrist met an old patient and exclaimed, "I heard you died."
"But you see I'm alive," smiled the ex-patient.
"Impossible," said the psychiatrist. "I was told you'd died by a colleague who's had 22 peer-reviewed papers published, so his opinion's bound to be much more reliable than yours."