The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung transplant, and a heart transplant."
"WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplants?"
"Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that I needed to get reorganized."
The pastor had been warned about a parishioner who was a fast reader.
"We shall now read the Twenty-third Psalm in unison," he announced. "Will the lady who is always by 'the still waters' while the rest of us are in 'green pastures', please pause until we catch up."
The train was about to pull out of the station. A young man ran towards it and managed to throw his bag in and climb aboard just in time.
A fellow passenger looked at him and said, "Young man, you should be in better shape! At your age, I could catch the train by a gnat's whisker and still be fresh. Look at you, panting away."
The young man took a deep breath and said, "I missed this train at the last station."
Little Johnny was being shown the shape of the earth on a globe atlas by his mother. After pointing to all countries with unusual shapes, she asks: "Now Johnny, what shape is the world?"
Johnny, looking very wise and happy, said: "Daddy says it's in terrible shape."