A minister, after the Sunday morning service, walked alongside a brook and noticed a young boy fishing. After seeing him catch a number of fish he approached the boy and said, "My boy, don't you know it is not right to be fishing on Sunday? Besides, it is very cruel to insert that sharp hook into that poor beetle."
The boy replied, "Oh, say sir, this ain't a beetle. It's an imitation."
"Oh I thought it was a real bug."
Lifting up a nice string of fish, the boy replies, "So did these suckers!"
Railroad agent: "Here's another farmer who is suing us on account of his cows."
Supervisor: "One of our trains has killed them, I suppose?"
Agent: "No, he claims our trains go by so slow that the passengers lean out the window and milk them when they go by."
About a year after her husband died, the widow Smith herself died. When she arrived at the pearly gates she ask if she could see her former husband.
"What's his name? "
"You'll have to give us better identification than that. Maybe his last words? We classify each arrival that way."
"Well, just before he died he said to me, 'Katie, if you ever waste any of my hard earned dollars, I'll turn over in my grave.'"
"Oh, sure we know him. We call him Whirling Joe up here."