Latest Jokes

An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, "The parrot I purchased uses improper language."

"I'm surprised," said the owner. "I've never taught that bird to swear."

"Oh, it isn't that," explained the professor. "But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive."

A woman goes into an ice cream shop and asks for two quarts chocolate ice cream.

The counter man says, "I'm sorry, but we're out of chocolate."

So the woman says, "OK, give me a quart of vanilla and a quart of chocolate."

The counter man, a bit exasperated, said, "Ma'am, we're out of chocolate."

So the woman says, "OK, give me a quart of vanilla, a pint of strawberry, and a pint of chocolate."

The counter man, now furious, says, "Ma'am, how do you pronounce the V-A-N in 'vanilla'?"

The woman says, "Van."

The counter man says, "Good. And how do you pronounce the S-T-R-A-W in 'strawberry'?"

The woman says, "Straw."

And the man says, "Great. And how do you pronounce the F-R-E-A-K in 'chocolate'?"

The woman, puzzled, says, "There's no 'freak' in 'chocolate'."

And the man shouts, "That's what I'm saying -- there's no freakin' chocolate!"