A guy tells his psychiatrist, “I always have this weird dream at night. I am locked in a room with a door on which there is a sign. I try to push it with all my strength, but no matter how hard I try, it won’t budge." The psychiatrist muses, “Interesting." But tell me what does the sign on the door say? The guy replies, “It says 'Pull'”!!!
It's a hot summer day and Jake and Harry are in a ditch digging away. Meanwhile, Ralph is up under the shade of a tree sipping on a cool drink. Jake asks Harry, "Why are we down here digging in the hot Sun while Ralph is being cool up there?" Harry says, "I don't know, I'll go ask him". Harry goes up and asks Ralph, "Why are you up here in the shade drinking a cool drink and Jake and I are in the ditch digging in the hot sun?" Ralph says, "'cause I've got smarts". "What's that? Asks Harry. Ralph puts his hand in front of the tree and says, "Hit my hand as hard as you can". Harry swings his fist at Ralph’s hand, Ralph moves his hand and Harry hits the tree, hurting his hand. Ralph, says "I knew to pull my hand away, that’s called having smarts". Harry goes back in the ditch and Jake asks, "What did he say?" Ralph says, "Its cause he has smarts." "What's that? Asks Jake. Harry puts his hand in front of his face and says. "Hit my hand!"
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the town’s preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, “Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that’s your pa.”
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student aide, Sam found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need Sam’s help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let Sam wheel him to the elevator. On the way down Sam asked him if his wife was meeting him. I don’t know,” he said. “She is till upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”