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Favorite this joke I've cut down on my drinking. I now have one large whiskey before I go to bed…
Last night, I went to bed six times!
She: "Honey, I don't like you with the new glasses on."
He: "But sweetheart, I don't wear any glasses."
She: "True, but I do."
How can you tell if a sniper likes you?
He misses you.
"I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist," said the employer to the applicant. "Why did you leave?"
"Well," she replied, "I just couldn't win...
If I was late to work, I was hostile.
If I was early, I had an anxiety complex.
If I was on time, I was compulsive."
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