Upon Little Johnny's graduation his Aunt gave him a graduation present.
Little Johnny: "Thank you so much Aunt Vera for this present."
Aunt Vera: "Oh, that's nothing to thank me for."
Little Johnny: "That's what I thought but mother told me to thank you just the same."
The teacher asks the class: Where do apples grow?
Smart Samantha answers: On apple trees.
The teacher asks the class: Where do pears grow?
Clever Curtis answers: On pear trees.
The teacher asks the class: Where do dates grow?
The class is silent. Little Johnny raises his hand and says: On calendars?
Little Johnny went fishing with his dad, who had his fishing license on the back of his hat.
After a while they had caught no fish when Little Johnny offered the following suggestion: "Dad, turn your hat around so the fish can see your license."
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella.
The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green. Little Johnny, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire-truck red.
After seeing this, the teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how many times have you seen a red duck?"
Little Johnny replied, "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."