Best Jokes

A soldier sought shelter in the cook's tent during a dust storm that swept over the camp during war maneuvers. He noticed that the lid of the soup kettle was awry, permitting dust to blow into the soup and called it to the cooks attention.

"If you'd put that lid more firmly on that kettle, we wouldn't get so much dust and dirt with our soup," he said tartly.

"See here my young lad," said the cook angrily, "my business is to serve you food and Your business is to serve your country."

"Quite right. My business is to serve my country, but not to eat it."

Pat O'Brian lay at death's door and he sent for a lawyer to make his last will. O'Brian's wife remained in the room while the lawyer was there. The lawyer said, "State your affairs briefly."

Mr. O'Brian: "Timothy Duggan owes me $5."

Mrs. O'Brian: "Good, sensible to the last."

Mr. O'Brian: "Patrick Kelly owes me $15."

Mrs. O'Brian: "Good, sensible to the last."

Mr. O'Brian: "Michael McKay, I owe $100."

Mrs. O'Brian: "My soul, listen to him rave out of his mind."

A minister, after the Sunday morning service, walked alongside a brook and noticed a young boy fishing. After seeing him catch a number of fish he approached the boy and said, "My boy, don't you know it is not right to be fishing on Sunday? Besides, it is very cruel to insert that sharp hook into that poor beetle."

The boy replied, "Oh, say sir, this ain't a beetle. It's an imitation."

"Oh I thought it was a real bug."

Lifting up a nice string of fish, the boy replies, "So did these suckers!"