Best Jokes

Picked up a hitchhiker the other night and he asked me, "How did you know I was not a serial killer?"

I replied, "The chances of two serial killers in the same car are astronomical."

A struggling zoo's main attraction, a gorilla, dies during their most popular season. They can't afford to lose the gorilla so they secretly hire one of the employees to be a gorilla in a suit for an extra $500 a week.

He quickly becomes even more popular than the original gorilla, everyone wants to see the human like gorilla.
After a few months his popularity begins to wane so he decides to raise the stacks. He climbs out of his enclosure and dangles from a tree in the lion exhibit but he loses his grip and falls.

Scared he begins to yell for help, "Somebody help!"

With this the lion pounces on top of him and whispers, "Shut up or you'll get us both fired!"

Drunkard #1: I will become the chief prime minister tomorrow!

Drunkard #2: That's impossible... I haven't resigned yet.

I got called pretty today...

The full statement was “you’re pretty annoying”, but I only focus on positive things.