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Favorite this joke A customer sat down at a table in a smart restaurant and tied a napkin around his neck. The scandalized manager called a waiter and instructed him, "Try to make him understand, as tactfully as possible, that that's not done."
Said the thoughtful waiter to the customer: "Pardon me, sir, shave or haircut?"
Why is a diet called a "diet"?
Because all the other 4-letter words were taken.
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered...
Nobody likes a quitter!
One morning over breakfast, a husband was complaining to his wife. “I’ve been with the circus for over 25 years, and every performance I follow behind the elephants and clean up their poop. Twenty-five years, ‘Scoop the poop! Scoop the poop!’ I’m tired of it.”
His wife calmly said, “If you’re so unhappy, why don’t you quit?”
“What! And leave show business?!”
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