Best Jokes

I asked my 91-year-old father, “Dad, what were your good old days?”

His thoughtful reply: “When I wasn’t good, and I wasn’t old.”

Always keep several get well cards on the mantel...

If unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean.

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."

The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

When tempted to fight fire with fire...

... always remember that the fire department usually uses water.