Best Jokes

My wife, and other ladies in our parish, count church donations every Monday.

This week she came home early.

When I asked, "Why are you so early?"

She replied, "Everyone showed up this week, so we didn’t have anyone to talk about."

What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

'C' is his first love but 'X' marks the spot!

Josh was helping Sally, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.

Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."

The conceited young man had been in the hospital for some time and had been extremely well looked after by the pretty young nurse.

"Nurse," said the patient, one morning. "I'm in love with you. I don't want to get well."

"Don't worry," replied the nurse cheerfully, "you won't. The doctor's in love with me too and he saw you kissing me this morning."