Best Jokes

1 votes

I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort.

"Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated."

Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer.

I interrupted and said, "Listen to me. I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?"

She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?"

1 votes

posted by "Ryan Faidley" |
$6.00 won 1 votes
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"Is there such a thing as 'unguided' missiles?”

1 votes

Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
1 votes

Eric went to confession on Saturday and he told Father Duffy that he had an affair with a married woman from the parish. Father Duffy asked Eric who she was and Eric said, "Father, I can't tell you."

Father said, "If you don't tell me I can't give you absolution."

Eric again said, "I know Father, but I just can't tell you."

Father Duffy then asked, "Was it Mrs. Murphy?"

"No, Father."

"Was it Mrs. O'Malley?"

"No, Father."

"Was it Mrs. O'Brian?"

"No, Father. I just cannot tell you who it was."

Father Duffy tells Eric to go out and think about it and then come back when ready to confess who it was. Eric leaves the church and runs into his friend Jim. Jim asks, "Did you tell him you had the affair?"

"Yes. He wanted to know who it was, but I wouldn't tell him."

"What did he say? Did he give you absolution?"

"Oh no, but he did give me three new possibilities........"

1 votes

posted by "Mr Nice Guy" |
$5.00 won 1 votes

A husband went to the refrigerator and checked to see what was edible.

He found a salad in a container and called to his wife, “How long has this salad been around?”

She replied, “I don’t know. It’s probably lost its dressing.”

1 votes

Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "Devilr" |