Best Jokes

1 votes

Man walks into the barbershop, sits down in the chair and the barber asks, "How do you want your haircut?"

The man says, " I would like the sideburns one high and one low, a few long hairs sticking out of the back and a few chunks on the side and top."

The barber looks puzzled and says, "I'm not sure I can do that."

The customer says, "Why not, you did it that way last time."

1 votes

posted by "pappy" |
1 votes

I went to this great yard sale the other day. There were lots of sports memorabilia, electronics, and guy stuff. A huge 50 inch flat screen TV caught my eye with a price tag on $50 on it!

"You only want $50 for this big TV? It must have something wrong with it" I remarked.

"I'll let it go for $50". He said. "It works great, except when you turn it on the volume starts out and stays all the way up."

"Man, I sure can't turn that deal down!"

1 votes

posted by "Water Guy" |
1 votes

Word got out in a old Western town that Black Bart escaped from Jail and was heading that way. The townsfolk gathered in the saloon to discuss what to do next since the sheriff was out of town.

"How will we recognize him? It's been so long since anyone actually saw him and lived to tell about it," said the town's barber.

"I heard he could eat bullets and kill you by just spitting," said the hotel owner.

All of a sudden, a kid runs into the saloon and yells, "Someone's coming and I think it's Black Bart!"

Sure enough a huge 6 ft tall rugged, tough-looking, bearded, black clothed cowboy with an eye patch and a long scar down the left side of his face and huge muscular arms and chest came walking through the saloon doors. Only sound you could hear was his spurs as he walked up to the bar. No one dared to move or utter a sound; too frightened to move.

He looked around at all the townsfolk, hiding behind tables and chairs holding their breath. He walked up to the bar and took out his gun and banged it on the counter. The bartender yelped.

He yelled to the bartender hiding behind the counter, "Git up and give me a whiskey!"

The bartender poured him a shot glass of whiskey. He took the glass, drank it down, then ate the shot glass. Two women fainted and the sound of teeth chattering could be heard behind the piano. The bartender nervously asked, "Would you like another glass sir?"

"Naw. I need to go. Hav'ta leave town," he said.

"You're leaving so soon?" the bartender asked, puzzled.

"Heck yeah! Didn't you hear? Black Bart's coming this way!"

1 votes

posted by "Katyman123" |
1 votes

What is a clear conscience?

A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory!

1 votes

posted by "Marc" |