Best Jokes

I'm so hungry that I could eat a TV dinner right about now.

The problem is, my TV is bigger than my microwave!

A night watchman is a man who earns his living without doing a day's work.

Last week Walmart was asking $200 for the lamp I wanted, today they wanted $100.

I told them I'd wait until it was worth $200 again!

Two women met in heaven who were previous acquaintances on earth.

One said, "I can't believe you're here so soon what happened?"

She exclaimed, "I froze to death!"

The other said, "That's terrible how'd it happen?"

"Well I started shivering uncontrollably, fell asleep and here I am!" Then she asked how her friend died.

She exclaimed "I had a heart attack! I came home to find my husband sitting in his lazy chair and I just knew it was cheating on me so I ran around the house looking everywhere for another woman I looked in the basement looked in the attic look behind the shower curtain in the bathroom and I ran myself into a frenzy and collapsed of a heart attack.

Finally her friend replied "If you would have just look in the freezer we both still be alive!'.