Best Jokes

While taking the garbage out the other day, I lifted up a pretty heavy bag of trash and threw my back out.

I had to drive all the way to the dump to retrieve it.

Whenever you think you would like to go back to your teenage years... think of Algebra!

The wife was telling me I need more exercise. I told her, "Well, I'll take up sports then."

She laughed and said, "Why don't you just order the sports channel on cable? Shaking your fist at the TV and yelling at the games is more exercise than you'll get actually playing them."

Little Johnny was left to fix lunch.

When his mother returned with a friend, she noticed that Johnny had already strained the tea. The two women then sipped their tea happily while having lunch.

"Was it hard finding the tea strainer in the kitchen?" Johnny's mother asked.

"I couldn't find it Ma, so I used the fly swatter," he replied.

His mother nearly fainted, so Johnny hastily added: "Don't get excited, Ma, I used the old one!"