Best Jokes

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Moses, Jesus and some' ol geezer are going to play a round of golf. Moses tees off, the ball goes right into the pond. No problem! Moses walks over parts the water and hits the ball again, where it lands about 1 foot from the first hole.

Jesus then tees off and the ball goes flying off to the left, hits a tree, then miraculously bounces to about 6 inches from the hole.

The' ol geezer steps up, tees off, the ball heads right for the pond, a huge bass jumps up grabs the ball in its mouth, suddenly an eagle swoops down, grabs the bass and flies over the green, the bass drops the ball and it rolls to just about 2 inches from the hole! All of a sudden a worm pops up and knocks the ball in. A hole in one.

Moses looks at Jesus and says, "You know, I really hate it when your DAD plays."

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CATEGORY Golf Jokes
posted by "Foxie" |
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A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin', there's no paper on this side either!"

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posted by "Gaggs" |
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A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your bloody hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided, he'd
settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm pissed off that you haven't had your hair cut."

The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."

(You're going to love the Dad's reply!)

"Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?

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CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "papajon" |
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When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question.

His son translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

One of the astronauts said that they were practicing a trip to the moon.

When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elders comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate.

So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder’s message to the moon.

An official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing the translator relayed the message:

WATCH OUT FOR THESE JERKS, THEY HAVE COME TO STEAL YOUR LAND."

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CATEGORY Misc Jokes
posted by "outward" |