Best Jokes

What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.

The reply from the railroad engineer.

"How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?"

A mime was arrested and put into an invisible cell at the police station.

They figured if he can't get out of an invisible box on a stage, an invisible prison cell would be twice as difficult.

A young boy was walking home after school when he saw a small puppy.

He picked it up & touched it. Then he touched it again. He touched it once again, touched and
touched and touched, and then he finished touching.

Like I said in the beginning, A Very Touching Story.

One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"

Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"

Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant, Sir!"