Best Jokes

The day after I had surgery on my leg, a nurse came into my hospital room with a box in her hand. “Are you ready for this?”

“What is it?” I asked.

“Fleet enema. Didn’t your doctor tell you about it?”

“No.”

She rechecked the orders. “Whoa!” she bellowed. “That didn’t say Fleet enema. It said feet elevated!”

As I walked into work my boss greeted me with, "Today is going to be a great day! Can't you feel it?"

I did.

I went home.

I started carrying a moist towelette in my wallet instead of a condom.

I run into chicken wings more often than I do sex.

Teacher: "Now, class, can anyone tell me what the word 'Can't' is short for?"

Lizzy: "Can not."

Teacher: "Very good! Now, can anyone tell me what 'Won't' is short for?"

Lewis: "Will not."

Teacher: "That's right! Now, can anyone tell me what 'Don't' is short for?"

Harold: "Donut."