Best Jokes

I went to a National Park once and was very concerned about being attacked by a grizzly bear while hiking. I stopped at the Ranger Station and asked how to keep from being a victim of a bear attack.

He said to wear little bells around my ankles and keep pepper spray handy. He said they sold both there at the ranger station. The Ranger also told me the best way to tell if a bear was in the area was to look for fresh droppings.

He said if the droppings were small and round it was probably a black bear and an attack was unlikely. He said it was grizzly bear droppings if it had little bells in it and smelled like pepper spray.

When I'm finally holding all the right cards...

Everyone wants to play chess!

Q: "How many grandmothers does it take to change a light bulb?"

A: "None. I'll sit in the dark. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me..."

We took the kids to one of those restaurants where the walls are plastered with movie memorabilia. I went off to see the hostess about reserving a table. When I returned, I found my 10-year-old granddaughter staring at a poster of Superman standing in a phone booth.

She looked puzzled. "She doesn't know who Superman is?" I asked my wife.

"Worse," my wife replied. "She doesn't know what a phone booth is."