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Favorite this joke Little Johnny: "Daddy, remember that big chocolate cake Mommy made for the bake sale, and I promised not to eat any of it?"
Dad: "Yes, son."
Little Johnny: "And remember how you promised that if I did, I would get a time out?"
Dad: "Yes, son."
Little Johnny: "Well, now that I've broken my promise, it's probably only fair that you break yours too."
After a diner had finished his meal at a restaurant, the waiter brought him the bill, which read,
Omelete: $2.00
Tea: $.50
Take this back," the diner said, "And rewrite it as omelette with two T's." The waiter obliges, as he takes the bill and leaves. A few moments later, he returns with a new bill, reading:
Omelete: $2.00
2 teas: $1.00
A woman posts her profile on a dating app. Two days later, she gets a message back, saying, "I would love to meet you, but I need to tell you that I am eight feet tall, covered in long, mangy fur riddled with fleas, and have glowing yellow eyes, razor sharp claws and long, drooly fangs. If you are still interested in meeting me, I'll be sitting on a bench in Central Park at five o'clock this afternoon."
The woman replies, "I would love to meet you, but could you please wear a red rose and some French cologne so I can recognize you?"
My family likes to sing carols during the holidays. Alas, I have a cold this year, so when I offered to lead one of the carols, my cousin suggested that I sing away in a manger...
Far, far away, in a manger.
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