A man's doctor told him one day, "I have bad news and worse news." "Give me the bad news first," the man said. The doctor replied, "The bad news is, you only have 24 hours to live." "What?!? That's terrible! What could possibly be worse?" The doctor's answer: "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."
How do you compliment...
The Abominable Snowman?
Tell him he’s cool.
Tell her she’s really neat.
Tell him he’s a knock-out.
Tell her she’s swell.
A mail carrier?
Tell him he’s first class.
A demolition crew?
Tell them they did a bang-up job.
Tell her she’s charming.
Tell her she’s out of this world.
A right fielder?
Tell him he’s far-out.
Tell him he looks like a new man.
How does one leave a casino with a million dollars?
By entering the casino with a billion dollars!
"One of the worst jobs I ever had was when I used to be a narrator."
"Well, that doesn't sound so bad?"
"I was a narrator for bad mimes."