What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is heavy and the others a little lighter....
A trainee was working in the produce section of a supermarket when a customer asked him for a half a head of lettuce. The employee went into the back and told the manager that some jerk wants a half a head of lettuce. Just as the trainee says this to his manager he sports the customer out of the corner of his eye standing right next to him.
He quickly says to the manager "and this gentleman would like the other half."
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.
I told them to buzz off!!!!!
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel "Any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around and had a long look at the road behind them.
"Yeah, looks like it"
Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again......
"Yup.... nope.... yup.... nope.... yup.... nope.... yup....."