Best Jokes

I once dated a geologist, but the relationship was just too rocky.

I was crushed.

"Can you stand on your head?"

"Nope. It's too high."

John: I worked as a veterinarian tech during the day and went to school at night to earn a degree in literature but no publisher or movie producer takes a second look at my work.

His best friend Frank: In looking over this script I see a distinctive influence in your work that may be a problem. I’ll read it and see if you see what I do… “He was quiet as a mouse; this dogged bear of a detective catty in his ways is stubborn as a mule. He has the memory of an elephant, the tenacity of a mongoose, pound for pound the fight of a rabid badger.”

John: Yes, I see your point; it’s too descriptive, right?

I failed at investigative journalism, pursuing a lead about an ice cream shop that was serving undersized portions.

I couldn’t get the scoop.