Best Jokes

Many students across the nation are doing school assignments on their computers from home these days.

Father: Jimmy, you need to go online and do your homework. It’s important to prepare yourself for the profession of choice.

Later on the father checks on Jimmy’s progress only to find him playing video games.

Father: Jimmy, you’re supposed to be doing your homework.

Jimmy: I am doing my homework dad, I’m going to be a video game reviewer on YouTube.

Two women realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.

"Help, help!” yells one of the women.

"Help us, help us!" yells the other.

"Maybe it would help if we yell together," said the first.

"Good idea," said the other.

"TOGETHER, TOGETHER!"

Four cowboys are sitting on a mountain one night having a few cold ones around a campfire. One is a tuba player, one a trumpet player, one a conductor, and the last a coloratura soprano.

The tuba player tosses an empty can of Budweiser into the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it declaring, "I just killed the king of beers!"

The trumpet player, not wanting to be outdone, tosses his empty can of Coors into the air, shoots it and declares, "Ha! I just shot the silver bullet!"

The soprano, ever so demurely, reaches into her backpack, pulls out a bottle of Michelob, calmly drinks the whole thing, tosses her bottle into the air, and shoots the conductor.

Grinning broadly at her fellow musicians she says, "Guys, it just doesn't get any better than this."

After recess Emma told the teacher that Jillian, Stephany and she needed one more person to play foursquare but Little Johnny refused complaining he isn’t a team player.

Teacher: “Little Johnny why wouldn’t you play foursquare with the girls?"

Little Johnny: “My mother had quadruplets, ten months later she had my twin sister and me. Ten months after that she had triplets.”

Teacher: “It looks as though you have 8 siblings all within 10 months of your age at home but what does that have to do with school?”

Little Johnny: “Unlike my house there are boys at school.”