Best Jokes

I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching...

Switching my car into reverse and speeding away!

In the aftermath of a recent hurricane a neighbor reported a man trying to break open an ATM in his back yard resulting in his arrest.

Judge: What do you have to say for yourself sir?

Defendant: The hurricane dropped the ATM in my back yard. The only reason I was trying to open it was to locate a serial number so I could find the owner?

Judge: What about the other five ATM’s the police found in your garage?

Defendant: Well, your honor, it’s been a bad hurricane season this year.

Me: My tire's making a whistling sound.

Mechanic: Sounds like a flat.

Me: More like an F sharp.

A knitting/crocheting group at a local senior center donated handmade hats and scarves to my office to give to folks in need over the holidays.

What made my day was their group name: The Senior Hookers!