I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching...
Switching my car into reverse and speeding away!
In the aftermath of a recent hurricane a neighbor reported a man trying to break open an ATM in his back yard resulting in his arrest.
Judge: What do you have to say for yourself sir?
Defendant: The hurricane dropped the ATM in my back yard. The only reason I was trying to open it was to locate a serial number so I could find the owner?
Judge: What about the other five ATM’s the police found in your garage?
Defendant: Well, your honor, it’s been a bad hurricane season this year.
Me: My tire's making a whistling sound.
Mechanic: Sounds like a flat.
Me: More like an F sharp.
A knitting/crocheting group at a local senior center donated handmade hats and scarves to my office to give to folks in need over the holidays.
What made my day was their group name: The Senior Hookers!