Best Jokes

A family of skunks went for their morning walk. They came to a fork in the road.

The daddy skunk said, "My instinct tells me to take the left fork."

The momma skunk said, "My instinct tells me to take the right fork."

The baby skunk pondered a moment and said, "My end stinks too but I still don't know which road to take!"

You know its going to be a bad day if:

You put your bra on backwards, and it fits better.

Your car horn goes off accidentally, and remains stuck while you’re following a group of Hell’s angels.

You see a ’60 minutes’ team waiting in your office

The boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat.

The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

Your blind date turns out to be your wife.

Your twin forgot your birthday.

Your Income Tax check bounces.

A man went to his lawyer and asked him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?"

"Do you have any proof he owes you the money?" asked the lawyer.

"Nope," replied the man.

"Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owes you," said the lawyer.

"But it's only $500," replied the man.

"Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!"

A drunk appears in front of a judge.

The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."

The drunk, a bit surprised, says, "Okay, let's get started!"