Best Jokes

When I bought my new Corvette, my two sons asked me who would inherit it if I met my demise. I pondered the question, then told them if I passed away on an even day, the son born on an even day would get it. If it happened on an odd day, the one born on the odd day would get it.

A few weekends later, while river rafting with one of my sons, I was tossed out of the boat. As I floated in the rapids, I heard my son yelling, "It's the wrong day!"

Husband: I hate getting old. No one flirts with me anymore.

Hard-of-hearing Wife: I don't remember you ever doing that. In fact, it's rather disgusting.

Husband: What do you mean? You used to flirt all the time!

Wife: Flirt? Oh, I thought you said 'Fart'.

Hospital Nurse: "You say financial difficulties brought you here?"

Patient: "Yes. I saw my tailor coming, crossed the road to avoid him, and halfway across I saw another creditor on the other side. I did not know what to do, I hesitate and then dove under a car."

A graverdigger, walking in the streets of a small town chanced to turn and noticed two doctors walking behind him. He stopped until they passed and then followed on behind them.

"And why this?" asked the doctors.

"I know my place in this procession," he said.