A young soldier was up before his commanding officer for a reprimand.
After going through a list of his misdemeanors the CO says, "And another thing, I didn't see you in camouflage practice this morning."
"Thank you, Sir," the soldier replied.
My chiropractor is no comic, but he really cracks me up.
The most dangerous part of parenting is when I'm barefoot and reenacting the shattered glass scene from Die Hard in a darkened room full of legos.
Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: Because he never-lands.