Best Jokes

A group of hippies gathered underneath the Washington Monument around a small bond fire.

A drunk staggered by took a long look at them and then a long look up at the Monument.

After a deep thought moment, the drunk says to the group, "You'll never get that rocket off the ground."

A man once drove his car into a river and I watched it turn into a mobile phone...

One minute, a Kia!

Next minute, Nokia!

"Everyone has feelings, except for snakes and principals." - Donna Maria G, age 9

"Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world laughs at you." - Rob P, age 8

"If life gives you nothing but lemons, make up a better shopping list for it." - Steven B, age 8

"Moses came down with the Ten Amendments, which were God's Bill of Wrongs." - Susie F., age 7

"Doctors automatically know what's wrong with you. They have a sick sense." - Beau M., age 10

A woman was walking on the beach right after a horrible divorce, feeling really depressed, and she kicks this bottle.

Out comes a genie, and he says, "I see you are a divorcee, and I hate divorcees! I have been paying me ex alimony for the past 10,000,000 years! However, you did free me, and I will give you a wish, one wish, and your ex will get five times as much."

She starts thinking what she can ask for that will be good for her and bad for her ex, first she wants to ask for a million dollars, but then understands that her ex will get five million. Then she was going to be extremely beautiful, but realizes that her ex will look even better.

After a long time of thinking she says, "I know what I want. I decided that I want to marry a great man, and give birth to his child."