Best Jokes

I got one of those talking dog collars for my chihuahua who I named 'Ding-Bat'. The collar is supposed to tell you what the dog is trying to say.

Ding-Bat would just glare at me and say "merk, merk". I sent the malfunctioning collar back for repair. After two weeks it came back to me in the mail with a note. “Dear Sir, your dog’s collar is in perfect working order. The problem is your dog cannot pronounce his J’s.”

A little old lady was driving the wrong way down a one-way street and was stopped by a cop.

“Didn’t you see the arrows?” he asked.

“Arrows? I didn’t even see the Indians!” she exclaimed.

I didn't know that I had dyslexia, until I accepted an invitation to a TOGA party.... and arrived dressed as a GOAT.

Johnny's teacher paid a visit to his house one day. When little Johnny opened the door, she asked, "Are your father and mother in, Mr. Morton?"

"They was in, but they is out now," he answered.

The teacher gasped, "Why, Mr. Johnny Morton, it is 'They were in, but they are out now.' Where's your grammar?"

"She's upstairs taking her nap."