Best Jokes

One day a man was driving down the road in his truck. His wife was sitting next to him and he had his arm around her shoulders. A police officer pulled him over because the man did not have both hands on the steering wheel. He received a ticket for unsafe driving but the man felt it was unjust. Hence, he appeared in court to try and fight the ticket. When the Judge asked him why he was not using both hands, the man replied, "Well, your Honor, I needed one hand to drive with." After the Judge composed himself, he dismissed the ticket.

I don't take offense. Fence thieves will take a fence, though.

Little Johnny is in art class. The art teacher asks, “What are you drawing?"

Johnny answers, “A cow eating grass,"

"Where's the grass?"

"The cow ate it!"

"Oh... what about the cow?"

"She ran away!"

A tightwad was convinced by a friend to buy a couple of lottery tickets. But after he won the big prize he didn’t seem happy.

“What’s wrong?” the friend asked. “You just became a millionaire!”

“I know,” he groaned, “but I can’t imagine why I bought that second ticket!”