Best Jokes

Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, and without warning. In one case, a house was completely whisked away leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor.

The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself. "It was the darndest thing... it was the darndest thing," she kept repeating dazedly.

"What was the darndest thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the rescuers.

"I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath and all I did was pull the plug and the whole house suddenly drained away."

A Marine private was filling out a questionnaire for a correspondence course.

He got to this question: "How long has your present employer been in business?"

He thought for a moment, then wrote: "Since 1775."

Two girlfriends were chatting with each other.

"I only date guys with a flat-top. You know, the kind of crew cut in which the hair is cropped in a flat plane across the top."

"Why only those types of guys?"

"They're level headed."

A lady goes to customer service and asks for a refund on the disposable barbecue she has brought back to the store.

Assistant: "What seems to be the problem, madam?"

Lady: "The food is missing."

Assistant: "I'm sorry?"

Lady: "Look, on the outside of the packaging it clearly shows sausages, chops and burgers. When I opened the package they were missing."

Assistant: "Madam, it says ""contents for illustration purposes only". You have to supply the food."

Lady (somewhat sheepish): "Oh. I may as well take the other two barbecues out of the freezer, then."