Best Jokes

A young boy was walking home after school when he saw a small puppy.

He picked it up & touched it. Then he touched it again. He touched it once again, touched and
touched and touched, and then he finished touching.

Like I said in the beginning, A Very Touching Story.

One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"

Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"

Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant, Sir!"

Two lawyers, partners in small practice, close the shop and go to lunch. Suddenly the first lawyer says, "I forgot to lock the safe!"

"Easy, easy," his partner soothed. "We're both here, aren't we?"

Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a sign reading, “Danger! Beware of Dog” posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”

“Yep, that’s him,” he replied. The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”

“Because,” the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”