Best Jokes

Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself.

Life is like a fountain... I will tell you how when I figure it out.

Make a firm decision now... you can always change it later.

Male zebras have white stripes... but female zebras have black stripes.

Money DOES talk... but to me it says goodbye.

Patient to psychiatrist: "I have this fear of being in tight, enclosed places."

Psychiatrist: "That's a very common disorder. Lots of people have the same problem."

Patient: "It's a little bit more complicated than that. I have an abnormal fear of being in an elevator with a bunch of department store Santa's."

Psychiatrist: "Take a couple of these pills and call me in the morning. You have an acute case of CLAUStrophopia."

What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.

The reply from the railroad engineer.

"How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?"

A mime was arrested and put into an invisible cell at the police station.

They figured if he can't get out of an invisible box on a stage, an invisible prison cell would be twice as difficult.