Best Jokes

What if Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader?

Would she then be called Ella Vader?

A newlywed couple wanted to invited their friends over for a steak & mushroom dinner. The wife had all the ingredients except the mushrooms. The husband said, "There are plenty of mushrooms growing in the backyard."

"Are you sure?" said the wife. "They could be poisonous?"

The husband replied, "I will give one to the dog and if he is okay, then we can use them."

Sure enough, the dog was given a mushroom and seemed okay, so they used the backyard mushrooms and served steak & mushrooms to their guests. During the dinner, the phone rang and it was their next door neighbor. The wife answered the phone. "I am sorry to bother you dear but your dog is dead."

Frantic, the wife dropped the phone and the couple called 911 and had all their guests sent to the hospital to have their stomachs pumped. When she got home, the wife called her neighbor to thank her. "No problem dear, but that car that hit him never stopped!"

Did you hear about the angry fly that sat on the toilet seat all day long?

He finally got peed off.

What do you call a looney, lifelong small town resident?

A loco local.