Best Jokes

Research has determined that the shelf life of fruitcake is longer than the shelf itself.

An exceptional pilot uses his exceptional knowledge to avoid needing his exceptional skill.

A woman with a baby walked into a doctor's office. She asked if they could weigh the baby.

A nurse said that the baby scale was not working that day, but what they could do is weigh the mother while she was holding the baby, and then weigh the mother by herself, and subtract.

The woman thought about this for a minute. "It wouldn't work," she said, "I'm not the mother; I'm the aunt."

Ronald and Hillary, opposing candidates for the upcoming local PTA (Parent-Teacher Association) elections, walk into a donut shop for a quick snack. As soon as Hillary gets to the front of the line, she shoves 3 donuts into her pockets.

Ronald says, "Really? You have to steal the donuts?"

Hillary replies, "I shouldn't have to pay for them since i will be the next PTA President!"

Ronald says, "Watch, I will get 3 for free by asking!" When he gets to the front of the line, he asks the clerk, "If i show you a magic trick, can i have 3 donuts for free?"

"Sure," replied the clerk.

So Ronald eats the first donut. "Mmmm, that was tasty." Then he eats the second and third donuts, "Mmmmm, they were just as good as the first!"

The clerk replied, "Where was the magic trick?"

Then Ronald replies, "Poof! Now look in Hillary's pockets!"