Best Jokes

They say a man isn’t complete till he’s married; then he’s finished!

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late

After leaving the racetrack Bill bumped into his old friend Peter on the bus. “Say,” Peter said, “How’s it going?”

“Going? You want to hear one of the most amazing things that ever happened? Tell me, what’s today’s date?”

“July seventh.”

“Right. The seventh day, of the seventh month. I go to the track at seven minutes past seven. My son is seven years old today, and we live at number seven, Seventh Avenue.”

“Let me guess,” Peter interrupted. “You put everything you had on the seventh horse in the seventh race.”

“Right.”

“And he won!” Peter sighed.

“No. He came in seventh.”

While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him. “Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!”

“Dear God! Did your try to stop him?”

“No,” said the clerk, “but don’t worry. I got the license plate number!”