Best Jokes

Elle: "Grandpa, why are these eggs so large?"

Grandpa: "They're duck eggs."

Elle: "Where did you get them?"

Grandpa: "On the internet. It's easy if you use Quack Quack Go, just type in eggs and hit enter."

Elle: "I think you meant duck duck go."

Grandpa: "I don't think so. You have to use the right search engine and I wasn't looking for ducks."

Elle: "What if I wanted to donate to animals in wildfire distress?"

Grandpa: "Firefox and if you' want to find a date go to...."

Elle: "Don't tell me, Yahoo right?"

Wife: peck, peck… peck-peck-peck, that old Royal Typewriter drives me nuts. I wish you’d get rid of it and just type on your desk top and print it out like everyone else.

Husband: I just can’t get rid of it. This old typewriter is like a dear friend that has served me well.

Wife: Like an old friend that served you well? Pray tell dear husband, if you can name one instance of actual service I’ll never complain again.

Husband: I can name two things off the top of my head. It got me an early retirement; the incessant peck peck peck, drove my boss nuts too.

Wife: OK, I’ll give you that one but what’s the other thing?

Husband: You did say you’d quit complaining right?

Fred: Honey, I lost my car keys.

Marge: Again, we need to have a little talk about this Fred. Did you look on the key pegs in the kitchen?

Fred: Oh, there they are; I don't know what I'd do without you Marge. I swear without you I couldn't find the bathroom tissue.

Marge: That's another thing we need to chat about Fred.

Fred: Things would be fine if you didn't hide it in the bathroom.

Marge: I don't hide it, I keep it in the same place in plain sight. It's always right there on the top shelf.

Fred: You're right Marge, we do need to have a little chat about this.

What’s the first thing a person says when they spot a UFO or Big Foot?

"Honey, do we still have that one megapixel camera?"