Best Jokes

A man and his wife are relaxing at home when the phone rings. She answers and within a minute is sobbing. After she hangs up, her hubby gently holds her and asks what's wrong.

She replies that her mother has died. He finally gets her calmed down and the phone rings again. She answers and starts crying again.

She turns to her hubby and manages to choke out, "Honey, it's my sister and you won't believe this, but her mother died too!"

Two newlyweds quickly realized their marriage wasn't working and filed for a divorce. The judge asked them what the problem was.

The husband replied, "In the five weeks that we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on a single thing."

The judge turned to the wife, "Have you anything to say?"

She answered, "It's been six weeks, your honor."

Claude, the invisible man, was low on funds and started job prospecting. His employment agency called him into their office with a job opportunity.

"I think this would be a great job for you," said the counselor. "A mirror salesman."

"I don't know," Claude replied. "I just can't see myself doing that."

What did the shark say to the clam when it would not share its candy?

Why are you so shellfish?