Best Jokes

The new Ensign was assigned to a submarine, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy.

He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School.

The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

6. Bad decisions make good stories.

7. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

8. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again!

I, for one, long for the good old days...

I really think we should stop texting and get back to just emailing each other.

Two ants were running along the top of a cardboard box as fast as they could.

"Hey!" puffed one ant, "Why are we running so fast?"

"Can't you read?" replied the other. "It says tear along the dotted line!"