"Did you see that charming girl smile at me?"
"Yeah, but the first time I saw you, I too had to smile."
Muggins: "Yes, I'm living out in the country now. It certainly has it inconveniences."
Buggins: "What do you miss most?"
Muggins: "The last train home at night."
I didn't know being sick was a contest...
Until I got married.
Teacher: Johnny, what is a protagonist?
Little Johnny: It’s when you’re playing tag with kids from another neighborhood and they bring in a ringer... they're a Pro-Tagonist.