Best Jokes

I am at one... with my duality.

Tired of hearing her teenager complain about everything, the frustrated mother finally reached her boiling point.

“Honey, let me give you some free life advice... Life IS as bad as you think, and yes, they ARE out to get you!”

St. Peter was working the Pearly Gates one day when a man appeared before him. The man said, "Here I am, let me in."

St. Peter said, "Wait a minute, it isn't that easy. I've got to check in the Book of Life to see if your name is recorded there." St Peter scanned the book and said, "I don't see where you've even done one good deed in your whole life?"

The man said, "That's not accurate. One time I saw six bikers harassing a young woman. I yelled at them to leave her alone. When they ignored me I got a tire iron out of my trunk, charged over there and hit the leader in the head knocking him out cold. I looked around at the others and said, 'When I said leave her alone I meant it. If anyone bothers her again you'll answer to me!'"

St. Peter said, "Wait a minute, I don't see that recorded here. When exactly did this happen?"

The man looked at St. Peter and said, "Just a minute ago."